Times Like These
by Snowbert98
Summary: After losing a patient following a fourteen-hour surgery, Apollo steps outside to rest and grieve. His wife knows she cannot cure his suffering but she can at least help him through it.


Making sure to force himself to carry on breathing, Apollo took a step back, running his fingers through his sweaty blonde hair. His entire body was hot and sweaty. More so now that the surgery was finally over.

Across from him, medical apprentice Valerius was sat against the wall, his head in his hands, crying. Apollo's medical partner Marius was standing in the middle of the dim room, at the head of the operating bench, his head bowed. Clarissa was clearing away the tools, tears slipping down her face like a waterfall. Kenzie Grenfell, the Western firefighter who had brought the patient in, slid down the wall and sat down hard on the ground, her face glistening with tears.

The atmosphere in the room was so thick that Apollo could almost see it. He turned away from the body on the table, almost smashing the heart monitor as he went to turn it off. The flatline sound was excruciatingly painful to his ears. Not because it was particularly loud or high-pitched, but because it was just hammering home the fact that they had failed.

No, HE had failed.

He slowly approached Valerius and placed his hand on the young apprentice's shoulder. Valerius didn't look up. Apollo swallowed down a sob. He was too young for this.

"Valerius-."

"It was my fault," the young medical apprentice croaked suddenly. "I didn't notice the bleeding and all b-because I didn't recognise that grey as blood!"

"Valerius, you're colour-blind, you can't blame yourself for that."

Valerius didn't reply.

Apollo sighed and rubbed his temples. He couldn't deal with this right now. "Valerius, go home."

The medical apprentice didn't move.

Apollo turned to Clarissa, who was gazing sadly at Valerius. "Take him home," he commanded hoarsely.

Clarissa slowly nodded and went over to Valerius. Meanwhile, Apollo approached Kenzie and gently lifted her to her feet. "Ken, you need to go home too," he said gently. "Jaelyn can get you a drink at the bar."

At the mention of her older sister, Kenzie blinked and looked up at Apollo. "Jaelyn?"

Apollo nodded encouragingly. "Yes, Jaelyn. Your sister. You need a drink right now. And remember, this isn't your fault."

"But if I'd just gotten Nicomenus here a little soone-."

Apollo shook Kenzie, not hard but not gentle either. "Kenzie, this was not your fault! You almost collapsed getting him here!" Apollo looked Kenzie in the eye. "Kenzie, go home. Now. That's an order."

Kenzie knew she could deny Apollo's order. After all, she was a Westerner and he was a Roman; he had no jurisdiction over her. But at the same time, she knew she couldn't. If she stayed here a moment longer, all the grief and guilt would overwhelm her. If she went home to Jaelyn and a nice cold drink, she'd have a better chance of calming down and thinking rationally. Deep down, she knew it wasn't her fault. But her brain just wouldn't let herself realise it.

She nodded slowly. "Okay. I-I will."

"Could you wait just one moment?" Apollo asked abruptly.

When Kenzie nodded, he turned to head over to Marius and was just in time to see his friend collapse to his knees. "Kenzie, take him to the West," commanded Apollo. "Take him to Irene; she can help him."

Kenzie nodded again and raced over to Marius, helping him to his feet.

Turning back round, Apollo spotted Clarissa and Valerius just leaving the room. Waiting until Marius and Kenzie were gone too, he began cleaning up, knowing he had the horrible task of informing Nicomenus's family of his death.

Sure enough, the reaction was heartbreaking, which was not at all surprising. Nicomenus's wife, Hera, had died many years ago, so the only two people there for Nicomenus was his two sons: Helios and Sol. Helios, despite being thirty-five years old, broke down in tears. Sol was barely any better. Leaving his nurse, Andromeda, to comfort them, Apollo stepped outside.

The fresh air normally helped but it didn't today. Apollo didn't normally lose many patients like this, but when it did happen, barely anything could help him. And he only lost a patient like this two or three times a year, but he was so used to being able to save lives and inform the patients' families that he had saved their loved one that when he failed a surgery, it affected him like a serrated blade to the chest.

He crouched down on the concrete and covered his face with his hands. Precious little made Apollo cry nowadays, not even losing patients. It may have appeared that he was heartless for that, but the reason he didn't cry was because he was numb to it. He was too numb to cry. Instead, his chest and head were in agony, his throat was so constricted that he could barely breathe, and he felt like his stomach was going to explode.

Then he felt someone hug him from behind. One glance down at the dark skinned arms around him told him exactly who it was, even if there were any doubts.

Esmeralda, his wife, was the daughter of Julius Caesar and a black woman, hence her dark skin. Since Esmeralda was the daughter of Julius Caesar, everyone was forced to respect her. More so since her adopted parents were Senator Adolphus and his wife Rosalina. But even if she didn't have very influential parents, she was kind and gentle and loved throughout Rome by anyone who met her. Apollo had an annoying suspicion that many men were just glad that she wasn't a soldier, which was why women like Themis weren't as popular.

"Apollo, I…I'm so sorry," Esmeralda croaked, sounding like she'd been crying, herself.

"You…heard?"

"Yes. Clarissa told me on her way out. But even if she hadn't, I could have worked it out from the fact that you're out here like this after being in that operating room for fourteen hours."

"I spent fourteen hours trying to save him," croaked Apollo through the lumps in his throat. "But I still couldn't."

Esmeralda gently took Apollo into her arms and hugged him tightly as he lay his head on her shoulder, still too numb to cry, but his eyes were beginning to ache.

"I'm tired," he murmured. "But when I sleep after something like this, nightmares come."

"I will sleep with you, then," Esmeralda said. "I may not be able to cure your suffering but I can at least ease it. Here, come back home with me. I'll make you a drink and you can rest with me. I'll read to you as well. That book Lyssa wrote for you, remember?"

Apollo slowly nodded. "Thank you so much, Essy. I…I would never be able to get through times like these without you."

Esmeralda kissed the top of his head, smiling. "I love you, Apollo. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you."

"And there's nothing I wouldn't do for you," Apollo echoed. "I love you too."

Esmeralda lifted Apollo to his feet, allowing her husband to lean on her. Looking into his kind amber eyes, she leant forwards and kissed him gently. She was used to this and she didn't mind it at all; Apollo saved lives and she was extremely proud of him for that. Whenever he lost a patient, she would always be there to support him.

And that was all Apollo needed.


End file.
